Listen and watch the second episode of My 3 Cents: keeping the mystery alive today! Just released. We are super excited for this episode because it marks our first video version of My 3 Cents, since the first episode only had audio. Now you get to see your hosts/founders banter on video as well! Watch here: https://youtu.be/sJjj3F-geXA
It feels good to create routine and start our official release plan, with a new episode every single Monday.
This episode we cover that oversharing could lead to the need for external validation. Taking a step back and thinking about whether you are doing it for yourself or for the feedback from others can help you gauge where you’re at. There is beauty in sharing, but your happiness and your self-worth should not be tied to what others will think.
Hear our personal stories regarding keeping people in the dark and only sharing what people need to know as a powerful tool to bring intrigue, success, and less insecurity into your life.
New episodes every Monday. Listen to our story. You don’t want to miss this journey. We believe in the power of stories and sharing them because people can relate. It is time for you to begin your journey with us!
Listen to the Second episode of My 3 Cents:
And read along – the transcript:
Fabian: Hello everybody. How are we today? My name is Fabian Chagoya
Stephani: And my name is Stephani Furminger, and you are listening to Chaminger: Becoming Xceptional.
Fabian: And this is my 3 Cents: Keeping the Mystery Alive, second episode.
Stephani, so what do you think this is the second episode? Crazy, huh?
Stephani: We’ve definitely been doing a lot behind the scenes, um, with just everything that goes on with doing a podcast and building things and getting things ready for launch. So it’s exciting to be able to be finally recording episode two. You’ve recorded a couple other episodes that we’re in the process of getting ready, but it’s cool to be doing the second episode of My 3 Cents.
Fabian: Absolutely. And this is just gonna keep changing and improving over time. I mean, I’ve been working a lot with my brother on the Real Talk series. It’s been so interesting to see the progression and the changes and, you know, keeping everything straight, but it’s such a pleasure to come back to this. Cause this is really what started this whole journey. Was, you know, us sharing our opinion and our stories on how we feel about stuff. So, excited to come back here.
Quick shout out to Stephani over here is she’s the best editor in the world.
Stephani: Ah, I wouldn’t say that, but I’m definitely learning; we’ll put it that way.
Fabian: Yup, yup. It’s been a journey to learn so many new things.
Fabian: I mean, what do you feel about that? Like learning so many new skillsets that you’ve never had to use before.
Stephani: Well, it’s definitely a learning curve. But the program that we’re using, Descript. Shout out!
Fabian: Sponsor us!
Stephani: It’s great using them because I’m able to edit video, audio and text all in the same program. So it honestly is a life changer. Cause I can’t imagine having to do all three of those separately or have to transcribe the audio separately. So it’s, it’s really been such an awesome tool and it’s been a pretty easy tool to navigate.
Fabian: Awesome. I like to hear that. And do you ever have that feeling that sometimes, I get this all the time, I’m doing things at the exact perfect moment for me and my skill set. Does that ever happen to you?
Stephani: No. Never.
Fabian: I’m like, I wouldn’t be able to function if I wasn’t living in the, this world right now where technology can cover all your weaknesses.
Stephani: Yeah. I think all of us, everyone in this day in age, kind of feels the same way about technology and where we’re at with technology, because yeah, I definitely could not imagine having to do things without all the tools that we have these days.
Fabian: Well, let’s talk about that, so technology and tools. Technology and these tools have kind of infiltrated our lives, in a way I would say. To the point where nothing is really hidden anymore. I mean, there’s just been a documentary posted “The Social Dilemma” and we can go into depth about that. But really it’s we’re always being monitored. You’re always ‘on,’ there’s really no off time. Everything you do, people know about right away. And if you’re even a person that has slightly embraced the apps and all the social medias, people know everything about you.
Stephani: Yeah, it’s really scary. I mean, just seeing that “Social Dilemma” documentary and just knowing, I mean, obviously using social media and the internet in general, you know that they, quote unquote, are watching. But just seeing it behind the scenes and seeing how much “they” are watching and how much they are actually tracking is scary. But that doesn’t mean that I’m going to stop using Google and all that stuff. It’s, it’s definitely just insane to know how much “they” know and how much is being tracked.
Fabian: Exactly. I feel like it’s something that I’m talking a lot about in my personal blogs about this journey, but it’s something I want to shout out here too. There’s been this almost major internal struggle that I’m experiencing where inherently now I’ve become a very private person for many reasons.
Doing this journey, all of a sudden is going like the exact 180. Where it’s like, Hey, you know, be vulnerable, be honest, be transparent. Show the ups and downs, show the lessons, show things. Obviously there is, there’s a-
Stephani: Fine line.
Fabian: Yes. And there is ability to keep certain things private. People don’t need to know everything about your personal life and what you’re doing, all that kind of stuff. But, it’s a lot harder than I thought it was going to be transitioning back into that. I know I, in the past, I used to be this guy that almost wanted this validation externally, like post updates on Facebook, on, you know, Snapchat share the stories of what’s going on that day. And it started with my family and like keeping my foreign family, in Mexico and Germany, up to date by posting stuff and pictures on Facebook.
But then slowly just kind of became a thing and you’re like, Oh my God, how many likes, how many comments, what’s up? You know? The past few years, I completely cut that off for many benefits, but going back to that as a business now and as a personal brand has been a lot more challenging than I initially anticipated.
Stephani: Well, yeah, there’s been so many changes to social media. I mean, I remember when Facebook first started, it was only for college students. You had to have an EDU email address in order to sign up. And, um, sometimes I just think about, reminisce about all the things, all the features that it used to have when it, when it first launched and to what it is now. That’s just one example and I haven’t even really played around with a lot of the new ones. It’s, it’s just crazy to think how much it’s changed and how many new features there are, how many different platforms there are, and they’re all being used in different ways, in different facets.
And it’s just kind of cool to see that, but it’s also very intimidating now that we’ve started this journey. Because like, okay, well, LinkedIn is going to be different content than what you’re going to post on TikTok, for example. It’s just figuring out what type of content and what format, et cetera, that that platform is looking for, or the audience
Fabian: Agreed. Agreed. It’s, it’s been interesting. It’s been interesting learning and adapting to all the changes because I mean, I’m sure you can relate what up Myspace! And like-
Stephani: Oh my goodness. Yes. I always forget about that one because it’s not really around, if it is even around anymore, but it’s not really used.
Fabian: Tila Tequila, are you still out there?
Stephani: Oh, gosh.
Fabian: All I know is, you know, putting some Linkin Park song as my profile song and the top five or 10. What up Tom? You know? It was like, this is such a weird thing. I had come from like these foreign countries that were still catching up to that. So coming to the U.S. and people are like, well, what’s your MySpace? So I’m like, I don’t even know what that is. And then-
Stephani: What’s your space?
Fabian: Exactly. It’s just interesting to think, like, how that was kind of like what started it all, but you were almost encouraged to show everything. To talk about your, like, more of your private life, what you’re doing. Then at the same time, you’ve got to ask yourself, is this really my life? Or am I starting to portray my life in a specific way for this platform?
Stephani: Exactly. And as you were saying that, I was just thinking of all the people that just tell their whole life story on their social medias. And I’ve never really been the one to do things like that. I’m sure I’ve gone through phases of doing that, however, I’ve definitely backed away from social media a lot. Now just kind of having to ramp back up, but in a business format is definitely different. But yeah, it’s just crazy to think about all those people that just put their whole life out on social media. It’s like the, everyone is always watching, but do you really want to air your dirty laundry out to the rest of the world to be able to be seen for the rest of time.
Fabian: Right. Well really quick. I guess, if you don’t mind sharing what kind of started making you swap from that? Hey, being posting more, doing that kind of things to like slowly starting to transition out of that.
Stephani: Yeah. I mean, there were, I guess I would say a couple of reasons, but honestly, it’s just hard to keep up with. And I kind of transitioned from using Facebook to Instagram. Just seeing the content that was on Instagram and what I would be posting, it was just never really like, I didn’t feel like I needed to put as much out there at that point once I kind of transitioned.
Then I just kind of slowly kept backing off posting. And then now there’s the concept of putting in your story. So it’s not necessarily out there for the rest of time until you delete it, but it’s only there for 24 hours. So I started doing that a little bit more, but then I just, again, I couldn’t really keep up with it. So it would just kind of be like when I would go on a trip or go visit my family, I would post something in my story. Then I just kind of stopped, but I still go on Instagram and I’ll check things out. I have a couple of people that I follow that I like to keep up with, but I don’t post anything anymore for the most part.
Fabian: It’s interesting how people go through that change. I feel like for me, what really triggered that was starting to realize the why behind me posting. A quick story, reminds me a lot of when I embraced Snapchat because people told me about it and I honestly thought it was kind of foolish. I didn’t really see the appeal behind it. I almost thought of like the way I heard about it and the way it was marketed, it just seemed to me like something for like high school kids to try to like sneak nudes, to be honest with you. Cause it like deleted after the post or something. Like if you send something to someone, they can screenshot it. And I was like, what is that the whole point of it? I mean, interesting demographic. I’m sure there’s definitely a market for that.
I started working at that timeshare job. And there was a few people that were like, you gotta get on Snapchat. And I started doing it. That was also when I started moving or that’s when I moved to downtown Seattle and I started having a very, let’s say, popular, successful party.
Stephani: Hello party phase.
Fabian: Yes. It’s almost like marketing for the podcast now and the brand. It was almost like advertisement for the party. Because I, I really view it the same way it’s like, people are not going to know about the brand on the podcast without us putting it out there. Why would people go to my parties? They need to hear about it, I need to sell it, I need to advertise it, market it, people need to have reviews.
That was kind of what was happening, because every weekend or biweekly, parties were happening. People started coming back, people started talking about it, more people want it to come, people start following me. They start seeing the Snapchats of the party, of the story of the party. Oh my goodness. Right? But at the same time, then you started looking at it the next day. You wake up after a binge night and you’re like, Oh, no! That was posted on there? Oopsie!
Stephani: I definitely don’t remember that. And the ones that I do remember, why did I post that one on there?
Fabian: Exactly. And it just got so bad. Like, I would go somewhere and I’m just like, hold on, gotta Snapchat it.
Stephani: It just almost become like, you’re not living in the current moment and you’re just posting or getting things for the social media aspect, but you’re not actually present.
Fabian: Exactly. It really opened my eyes when I started like, kind of looking like, how many people were watching my stories, who’s watching it, like all these stuff. I’m like, why does that matter? I mean, am I not doing it for myself? The answer was no.
That’s when things started changing. That’s when I started toning down my Facebook posts. Um, I was really doing it for my family more than anything, but I started realizing that I was almost doing it for the external validation more than anything else. And when you start going in that territory, you realized like, Whoa, what’s going on? Like, am I doing these parties for other people so they can see that I’m living a cool life? I mean, even the days that I was just at home, go to my Seattle rooftop and be like, yo, what up view? And stuff like that.
Yeah, that was my life, but was I starting to change my life? Would I have done that normally if it wasn’t for that social media thing, that’s when things get really interesting.
Stephani: I think that a lot of people utilize social media for that, and that is what they’re posting and why they’re posting so that they can almost brag about things going on. Which is fine for them, but it’s not necessary.
Fabian: I mean, I’m going to disagree with you. It’s not fine to be honest with you. Once you start going down that route, it’s very dangerous. And it was one of the biggest things that I changed over the last year and a half of my life and it is a game-changer. It completely liberates you to be you and that’s really where my mantra of today’s topic comes from, keeping the mystery alive.
There’s people that they’re out there on social media that I added as a friend on Facebook back in the day, like in high school or at the end of high school, beginning of college. I didn’t go to my high school reunion, but if I did, I would know everything about them before having even traveled back to my high school town and meet up with them. That’s a problem.
Fabian: That’s a problem that, Oh, you got married, you got divorced, you got married again, you got divorced. Now you have two kids, both of them are with, you lost the kids. You’re paying for the kids because you post about and complain about it. Like, I should know that ? Are you kidding me?
Stephani: Yeah. Especially if it’s people that you haven’t kept up with on a personal level. Like I just think back, um, like my parents. Do they know anything about the people that they went to high school with? I’m sure that they do now with social media, but before that it was just, I mean, even before email, you had to write letters. And that’s when you really know those are the people that you should be trying to keep in your life and should be sharing those things with. Do you really need to share them with all the random people that you wouldn’t make that effort with to write a letter to, send a postcard to, even just to send an email to now, these days.
Do you really need to be sharing your dirty laundry on social media? Or, you know, portraying this life of yours that is maybe not the way that it actually is. You’re portraying a better facade on social media than what is actually happening. And that’s definitely a big problem with especially the younger generation and even whatever generation, because they’re viewing that and they’re thinking, Oh, I need to be that; that’s the goal. And there’s something to be said about that, but is that really, truly just everything that’s going on with your life or you’re just showing the good parts and not the, the bad parts as well.
Fabian: It’s dangerous. And I don’t want to get into too much of a critique of social media because it is what it is, but it just comes down to what you said. People portray how they want to be seen, but they’re also showing it to the world, their specific friend group or whatever. And they’re looking, this is why I said I would disagree with your earlier statement, because people are looking for that validation from others.
And once you start looking for the validations of others, you start going down a very dangerous slippery slope because now your happiness is controlled by them.
Fabian: Rather than, Oh, Hey, I’m satisfied who I am. If people like it, cool. If not, whatever, you know? And that’s really where things changed for me, because I used to be that guy that posted everything that people kind of knew about. But at the same time, they didn’t really know me because they just saw one phase of me, but that’s all I posted. And on Facebook, when I posted for my family was just like when I went out or when I did like a family reunion or something like that. Or like a major event when I traveled somewhere. And that’s what I posted.
But then, I know people that literally like, sorry Colorado people, I am always calling you out. They literally go hiking three times a week just to post their cardboard sign “another fourteener” and it’s like, really guys? Cool, good for you, but the fact that you’re posting it. Are you posting it for yourself to remember it? Or are you posting it so that other people can see that you go out, your life is interesting, that you exercise, that you hike, that you’re an outdoorsy person. What is it really?
Like, if you can answer that question, why you posted that or why you share that with the world and other people. That’s when you can figure out really what’s happening. And by that I mean, if it’s really for you, keep doing it. There’s nothing wrong with posting it and sharing to the world or those million selfies on Instagram if it’s for you because it makes you feel good. But is it really, is it really?
Stephani: I feel like any type of posting on social media, it’s never just going to be for you. If you’re taking that, if you’re taking that photo. As soon as you upload it to social media, then it’s no longer for you. Once you take the photo and it’s in your phone, that’s for you. But once it’s uploaded social media, then it’s no longer just for you.
Fabian: Yeah, I agree. I think there’s, there’s some beauty to sharing. You know, especially there’s people that you care about that you want to keep up to date. Then you start going into that like weird area, that gray area where it’s like, am I only keeping up to date through these posts. Why don’t we text? Why don’t we have phone calls? Why don’t we meet up in person? It’s because now a lot of that socialization is replaced with that. And then do you ask yourself, is that a real relationship or is that just a social media relationship?
Fabian: Are they real friends or are they just acquaintances?
Stephani: Yup. So I guess that brings us into our topic today, which is…
Fabian: Keeping the mystery alive.
Stephani: What does that mean to you exactly?
Fabian: Means to never posts on social media. Really what I’d say it means is we are all very unique in our own ways. Some people more than others, but there’s like this obsession with sharing, oversharing, but sharing what you think people want to hear.
So keeping the mystery alive. There’s two things it’s being authentic to yourself, but it’s not crumbling when people are demanding more information. So let me share a story. Obviously before I used to obsess over validation from others and the social media and all this stuff. So I realized that was one of my weaknesses. That I, a lot of my self-worth and self-respect was validated from others or needed to be validated from others.
Yes. I was very confident already by myself, but there was still like another 30, 40% that was dependant on others. No bueno. That’s really bad because if you don’t get it for any reason, everything starts crumbling. So I went on this journey of starting to not tell people. Not only in my personal life, coworkers, acquaintances. But also in stopping on social media, sharing my best accomplishments, my biggest wins. Keeping it all private. People had to earn access to get that information. You want it, you have to be a really good friend or in my, the inner circle.
Stephani: Question for you. So when you stopped, did anyone ask you about it? Did that, did people reach out to you? What happened then? Were people actually interested? Did people actually notice? Or was it just radio silence when you stopped posting?
Fabian: That’s an excellent question and it’s the reason why I’m such a big proponent for it. The moment you go silent, but you still are interacting with people, but you don’t give them more than they deserve. And really when I say deserve is just, how long have you known this person? Are they a genuine friend? Do they actually care about you? Like, what are they gonna do with this information? Are you going to ever see them again? I mean, all those are relevant questions.
The moment I stopped, like just even at work. I mean, I was already this weird guy. I was this young kid, killing it at my sales job. Both of my sales jobs, both in Seattle, here in Colorado. German, Mexican, diplomat kid, lived in so many countries, was not interested in only football and baseball, like 95% of the guys that worked there and that’s all they could talk about.
So everywhere I went, I was this enigma was this question mark. Then you stopped sharing and literally the amount of people that would come up to me and ask me questions. I’ve had literally guys and girls that would ask me, so like, Who are you, what’s your thing? And that was mind blowing to me that just by withholding information and almost like having this carrot on a stick by not sharing, you give them just enough. Give them your name, give them a brief background of maybe one cool story and then the radio silence. You will be chased and hunted as if you’re the most delicious prey in the Savannah.
So that was mind blowing to me. And once I started doing the social media silence, the amount of messages, both personal, on my wall, texts, everything like people started aggressively reaching out. What’s happened? Like, are you alive? Like I had that question, are you even alive or did you die? Just because I stopped oversharing. And that’s when I’m like what a sad world we live in that, you know?
Stephani: That’s when they could just Google your name and obituary if they’re wondering if you actually passed away.
So really the takeaway is controlling the access, controlling what information you give and just giving enough. Where you’re not lying, you’re sharing your truth, but you get people interested. And if they really care about you, they’re going to follow up and want to know more. What are your thoughts on that?
Stephani: Well, I think you’re totally right. I know that when I deactivated Facebook, some people reached out to me. I was just like, I’m just not into it anymore, it’s just a waste of time basically.
I totally agree once you stop posting and once you get rid of that social media and they, people just are like, wait, what’s going on, what’s happening? It’s like, well, if you want to know, you could have just reached out to me via text, but it doesn’t have to be shared to the rest of your Facebook friend group, your fake friend group, or whatever social media platform.
Sorry, I just keep calling out Facebook because it’s one of the most, largest used and it’s one of the ones that I used most.
Fabian: 100%. And that’s so interesting that you also felt that. And it’s almost kind of sad, because you realize that people are living, like, vicariously through you. They are like, Oh my God, like, what is she doing? What is he doing? But I’m like, Hey guys, I want to be more than just your social media friend. Like if you really care, let’s hang out, let’s grab a beer, let’s do that.
It’s kinda scary to see how many people really don’t want to put in the effort. That for me was, it was a little depressing when I realized how many people just don’t care enough to do so. If you don’t just hand it to them, they don’t want to know. Or, I mean, they do want to know, but they don’t want to work for it.
And I’m like, I’m not going to tell you what’s going on in my personal life if you don’t actually care about me. You don’t deserve that.
Stephani: How did you find the correct amount of sharing versus, um, what you don’t want to share?
Fabian: Well, yeah, there’s, there’s a dark side to that. And so I was-
Stephani: Hello, welcome to the dark side. This is the dark side portion of this talk.
Fabian: Yeah. I mean, we’ll get into this a lot more and just kind of, one of the biggest reasons that started the whole Chaminger journey and my self-improvement journey to the extreme. But just kind of wasn’t happy in life with what I wanted. I thought if I did X, Y, Z, and accomplish those things that I would be successful, I’d be happy. So if one of those things was become a top sales rep at my company, make a lot of money, live a good life, live in a good apartment, have insane friend group, be followed, be adored, almost be like worshiped.
I wasn’t feeling it. I got it and I’m like, Whoa. I mean, it’s nice being able to just buy anything you want, do anything you want. Freedom is nice, but there’s a lot more. And I just wasn’t feeling satisfied, especially with the people I was surrounded with. So. I had this very dark period of self-reflection and heavy, like this, what is going on in my life?
This is kind of what inspired the Chaminger thing. Which is one of the big goals of this is starting a Ted Talk, becoming a speaker, and really just sharing my journey, our journey with other people to help people change their perspective, their mindset, their satisfaction, their happiness, all these things.
But it made me realize very quickly that I was insecure, even though I was portraying this confident person that had it all. And two, I needed the validation of others. So I went to the opposite to completely combate it. I’m like, well, how can I squash this issue? Stop posting at all, stopped doing any of that stuff. Stop telling people about any of my accomplishment, stop anything.
So, humblebrag over here. Right around that time, I had actually purchased a Tesla, Model Three, performance, super proud of it. I hadn’t ever really invested into cars, so I’d been saving a lot of money. It was a big upgrade, it was a major milestone. Most people would brag about that and post about that and tell everyone about it. And the first time they meet with someone, Hey man, I’ve just got a new car. Hey man, I just got a new car. I didn’t tell anyone, because I wanted to make sure that anything that I did from this point forward, I did it for me.
I could tell other people, if they really asked like, Hey man, well, what car do you drive? I would answer the question, but I would never share it upfront unless someone asked. And the reason for that was to prove to myself that I was doing it for me.
So I got that because it’s nice on long rides, you can just chill out. I could do sales phone calls. I could talk to my boss. I could even be on my laptop working while in the car and just, it’s so much more relaxing in traffic. I’m all about smart technology. It was a purchase that was for me and I felt good with it. And I was like, wow, this feels awesome not telling anyone. No one knows that about me. And you know that here’s where the dark side comes. I see-
Stephani: Well, before you, before you say that, I just want to say that is a really awesome test for yourself to know if you’re doing it for other people or you’re doing it for yourself. Don’t share some big news with everyone, unless they ask. I think that’s a really, really great test. And you passed with flying colors. Yay. Proud of you. Um, but sorry to interrupt. I just want to just share that is a really good way to do that.
Fabian: Thank you. I love that. That’s a great takeaway. I think we should be doing that more in general in our lives for it many things. You don’t have to tell people, just show them the results down the road. And if they ask, you can tell them, but if they ask it’s cause they’re genuinely interested.
The dark side was that I went from oversharing to now not sharing. So the problem was, I also stopped bragging about myself. I stopped selling myself and that’s weird because people would be like, but you’re a sales rep. You’re like the top, one of the top sales guys at like a top medical software company, how could you not, how do you not know how to sell yourself? And it was because I was so adamant not to brag about myself, not to overshare, not to do things for other people’s validation. I completely stopped.
So the dark side came from that I became so private. So, don’t talk about any of my accomplishments. A lot of people started taking me for granted and under appreciating me. And that’s a sad reality that you have to find a middle line, but it’s a lesson. Like, don’t swing the pendulum too far back the other way, there’s a middle point. But you might have to at first to find that middle point. But I mean, I just know at work, like they, I literally had the best numbers on my team, yet I was still considered mediocre. They just didn’t think about it.
And then all of a sudden, I started speaking up after I started realizing this and telling all my knowledge and sharing my knowledge and my expertise and things. All the sudden, everyone was like, Oh my goodness, you’re a god. And that’s when I’m like, Oh, I should have been doing a little bit more of that from the beginning.
Stephani: It’s hard though. Especially when you first start out on that journey, you know? You’re trying to stay true to what you decided that you wanted to be and what you wanted to share and that you didn’t want to overshare. And you just don’t think about what could be the downsides, until you basically run into the wall with those downsides. And then it’s like, Oh wait, didn’t mean to do that.
So I’m glad that you shared that as well, because people definitely need to keep that in mind too. If they want to go on that journey of not sharing those, those big moments. They also have to remember that there are some things that you may want to, um, you know, toot your own horn sometimes as well.
Stephani: In those right times.
Fabian: I think that’s a perfect way to start transitioning to the lesson. Just recapping at this point. It really, it’s so important guys. Seriously, everyone should be doing things for themselves. Do it for you. Stop looking for other people’s validation.
And go on, do a test. Put a time period, like a one month period of like, Hey, I’m going to stop posting social media. Unless it’s something that I am sharing it to specific people or something like that. Try that and see how you feel, see if you feel confident. Next time you want to buy something, ask yourself why you’re buying it. What problem are you solving? Are you buying it for yourself? Are you buying for someone else?
Next time you buy a piece of clothing or something, an article of clothing, why did you get it? And you doing it to impress your coworkers, are you trying to impress your friends? You know, there’s, there’s reasons to do it, but at the end of the day, you should feel good. It should make you feel better. So go on this journey. But don’t go too extreme.
Stephani: I think that there, there’s a way that you can do some of those things that it’s almost like baby steps. Like you said, posting something on social media, maybe scale it back a little bit. You know, maybe not post as much and see how you feel. You’re going to feel fine because your life is still happening. You’re just not sharing it with the rest of the world.
You can do it in baby steps, you don’t have to go to the extreme. Some people probably should. Some people probably need that for themselves just because they may be addicted to the feeling of other people giving them validation and whatnot and seeing people’s reactions. So, some people may need that.
And once you start doing those baby steps, you may see that it’s not working. Because you may need, almost like, to go cold turkey. But, some people may be able to just take baby steps. And just remember that everyone’s journey is their own. Take the time to realize what you need and where your middle ground is going to be.
Fabian: Yes. Thank you for sharing that. It’s so important to figure out what works for you, because what works for me, what works for you might not work for someone else.
Fabian: So learning that piece is critical, but you only learn it by doing. And really this will transition into many other times and other topics that we talk about, which is where you get your self esteem and your self-awareness from and it should never be from other people. Your self worth should be exclusively you. You shouldn’t be attaching it to like other things, objects, your job, friends, family. It should be exclusively what do you think about yourself and if you’re proud of it.
That’s a topic for another time, but I feel like keeping the mystery alive ties into that. So many people don’t do it because they like the only way they can get self-worth is if everyone else tells them that they’re amazing, or they’re hot, or they’re good-looking, or they’re smart, or they’re good at this.
There is a room for that. It always is very satisfying to hear that from other people, especially when it’s not prompted. Someone comes up to you and is like, Hey, you’re the best speaker I’ve ever seen. And you didn’t mention anything about it, you’ve just been talking, you’re like what’s up.
And I think there’s a lot to be said about that. If you’re a master at something, people are going to tell you. You don’t need to tell them.
Fabian: There is a place, a time and place to brag about yourself and sell yourself because at the end of the day, being too humbling, having too much humility can also be dark.
Stephani: Exactly. Don’t want to get to Fabian’s dark sides.
Stephani: Well with that said, we just want to thank everyone for tuning in today. There’s a lot more to come from the Chaminger brand and we’re excited to share it with you all. So please remember to follow, comment and like our pages and remember to tune in next time, because we love to have you guys here.
Fabian: Before you guys go, let us know, when was the time you’ve kept the mystery alive. And when was the time that you have not? And have you seen a positive or negative impact there? See you guys next time on-
Stephani: Stay amazing.
Fabian: My 3 Cents. Stay amazing.