Hello everybody…how are we today?! My 3 Cents: Power of Perspective released today marking the fifth episode of that particular series, another amazing milestone!
In other news, we also are going to be celebrating our 1 month launch-iversary with a special live stream. We will be announcing the winner of our new giveaway (YES, we will be doing another one, you heard it here first folks!); we will be sharing our opinion on how the first month has gone; we will also discuss our new product launch and finally we will be also starting our journey on Clubhouse as well!
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Make sure to listen and read the transcript to this very special episode of My 3 Cents. Today we discuss one of main keys of Becoming Xceptional – learning to understand the power of perspective and how viewing yourself from an outsider’s perspective is critical to gaining self-esteem and happiness.
Listen to My 3 Cents: Power of Perspective released today!
And read along – the transcript:
Fabian: Hello everybody. How are we today? My name is Fabian Chagoya.
Stephani: And my name is Stephani Furminger and you are listening to Chaminger: Becoming Xceptional.
Fabian: And this is My 3 Cents about the power of perspective.
Hello, Fabian Chagoya.
So how does it feel? We finally launched we’ve been doing it for a bit. What are your thoughts versus your expectations?
Stephani: Well, it’s definitely, um, I would say a lot more work and I don’t say that in a bad way, but it’s just, there’s so much involved. And I know that we were kind of, um, figuring that out while we were getting everything ready, but it’s just crazy once you’re launched. Then not only are you trying to manage the day to day, but then there’s also figuring out new things, different ways to do things and the best way to do things and tweaking things here and there. And it’s a lot, but it’s definitely been a fun adventure, navigating through all that.
I love hearing that because that’s all I’ve ever wanted for us, for you. For me, it’s. Part of that growth journey. Fabian: It’s experimenting, learning something new, challenging yourself, and boy, has it been a challenge.
Stephani: Yeah. How do you feel it’s been going and your expectations versus the reality?
Fabian: Absolutely terrible. Why aren’t we a million followers yet? Just kidding. It’s been incredible. It’s been absolutely amazing to see that hard work pays off. Passion pays off. People are resonating with the message. Although I will say it’s very interesting to see that a lot of people are enjoying the content, but there’s this hesitancy about expressing that it resonated with them. And I think right now we’re kind of going on a journey of figuring out more of that why. I know there’s, it kind of relates to our whole Chaminger: Becoming Xceptional message where there’s this, you know, insecurity, lack of confidence, lack of self-esteem and also caring too much what other people think. But we’re working on creating a way for you guys to open up to us, to a community in a more private way that lets you feel confident in, you know, knowing that there’s other people going through this with you. And I think that’s something that’s really powerful.
Stephani: Yeah, I completely agree. And yeah, we have been talking about that a lot in the best way for people to be able to feel like they can open up. Because if they’re just beginning their journey, yeah, they’re still going to have those insecurities and um, they’re not necessarily going to want to share, or like, or comment because then what if someone else, uh, that they’re friends with sees that they liked that post. They’re like, Oh, well, I mean, nobody’s really gonna, I mean, maybe people will think that, but it’s just like, well, they probably have those same insecurities too. They just don’t feel comfortable opening up about it.
Yup. So what’s the lesson, guys? It’s okay to be where you’re at right now. It’s a work in progress. That’s what we’re doing. I mean-
But step outside of your comfort zone too. Um, that is I think a very valuable thing to remember because you may be going through this, but you’re not alone. There are so many other people out there going through, maybe not the exact same situation as you, but they may have the same insecurity or similar insecurity or the same hesitation. So you, you commenting or liking or sharing something that really resonated with you may also really resonate with someone else that you didn’t even know it may resonate with them. So,
Fabian: I really love that. I think there really is something about, I mean, humans just naturally are attracted to like community and fitting in and being part of like the tribe and having a place in society. It just is really comforting knowing that and you don’t have to worry about, Hey, do I belong here or not? So seeing someone else do it and they open up, then it’s like, Oh, I can do it now. It’s almost like we need like a few ambassadors. So Hey, if you want to be one! To be like, Hey, this actually really resonated with me. I would love to, you know, be a guest. I would love to be on the live stream and so forth. I think there’s something to be said about that.
I’m curious how you feel, because I know this has probably been- I’m, I’m good at now being very vulnerable, because that was one of the key things that led me to get to where I am today. Where I can talk about this so passionately, right. Where you have to open up and like let the poison out and share what’s on your mind and what you’re really feeling, what you’re really thinking and not just talk about superficial things.
It’s also kind of crazy, you know, especially as you guys have probably heard in the previous episode, I was so private before and then it’s like doing a complete 180. Where it’s like, we’re on all the social medias. I’m on TikTok, I mean, who would’ve ever thought? And it’s like, we’re sharing these very, intense, deep messages, but they’re powerful messages. They’re good messages, but a lot of these are very personal stories. So I know that it’s been exciting so that people can kind of really see the real me, but also it’s been kind of intense as well. So I’m curious how you feel being that vulnerable.
Stephani: Yeah, it’s definitely a big change for me as well. Um, it’s one thing and I’ve always had trouble opening up just in my life in general, not even on like social media or to the world in general, just personally opening up even to myself, let alone anyone else. So it’s definitely been a little bit of a struggle, especially just opening up to everyone. So it’s, it’s an interesting journey, but I’m trying to practice what we preach. Not, everyone needs to necessarily open up to the entire world, all of their insecurities, but we want to make sure that we’re teaching everyone else, our audience, all of our Chamingeritos that it’s okay to be vulnerable. It’s okay to have insecurities. You just need to figure out what they are and then work on squashing them.
Fabian: I love it. So let’s get to the topic today, huh?
Stephani: Yeah. Oh, by the way, everyone. Um, I love blankets, so I’m sure that you’ve probably seen, um, me in the background with a blanket on. So sorry, I’m wearing a blanket right now, but it just comforts me. So don’t judge, I’m sure a lot of you are in the same position. a lot of you that work in an office, I’m sure you would love to be able to wear a blanket on you 24/7, if you could.
Fabian: Yes. I love it. I love it.
Anyway, so our topic today…
Is the topic of the power of perspective. If I said that to you randomly, like we were at a bar having a drink, what would come to mind? I feel like that’s something that people are just like, Oh yeah. Perspective, perspective, perspective. It’s a word that you hear thrown around left and right. I feel like it’s kind of lost a lot of its value and people just hear it and they almost just like shrug it off. Do you ever feel like that has become a thing? Like where a big word like that there’s such a, a powerful topic, meaningful topic has almost become marginalized.
Stephani: Yeah. I mean, I think there are so many things that have just become marginalized and just made into a smaller, um, deal than they actually are. And once you take a step back and actually think about it and reflect on it, it’s like, wow, that really is a big, big piece. So I’m excited for this talk today because I think that so many people need to hear what we have to say about the power of perspective and what it actually means as opposed to what the general consensus of what it’s become.
Fabian: Perfect. So the power perspective and the reason why I looked at the audience right there is because I want everyone who’s been following the Chaminger journey, or if this is your first time tuning in to realize that this is a topic that’s going to be constantly brought back up. But it’s one of the five keys that we’re going to cover throughout our journey of really Becoming Xceptional. There’s a lot that goes into it, but if I would have to summarize it into five key pieces, it’s power perspective, it’s breaking free from the shackles of judgment, not caring when people think, honesty, authenticity, and having a positive mindset all while practicing ABI. Check out last episode, if you don’t know what that is, but that’s really, those are the core themes that support everything of what Chaminger represents.
And all of those kinds of like branch off into Stephani: subtopics and whatnot. So it’s not just that, but those are kind of the key, key pieces to where we’re going with this Chaminger brand.
Fabian: Absolutely. And that’s why today we want to focus on power of perspective, because I feel like that’s where it really begins. It’s being able to change how you view something, it’s such an underrated skill. I want to start with an extreme story, an extreme example to kind of paint the picture for everyone so that they realize, it’s probably going to, everyone’s going to be like, Oh, of course, that’s what that means. But that’s why I share those extreme examples with everyone. Because you’re going to hear this constantly throughout the journey, Fabian’s extreme examples. The reason why I do is because if that extreme example makes sense to you, then you need to apply that same logic to everything. If that extreme example does not make sense to you, then you’re like, wait a minute, why doesn’t it make sense to me?
So the example that I want to share is let’s just say, this is your first time traveling somewhere. You’re a well off businessman, extremely well off. Maybe you own restaurants and you know, you care about what people think. You have a $5,000 suit, you have a Rolex, you drive the latest BMW. You’re extremely well off, right?
Stephani: Now this is an important question to this story. Where are we traveling to. Where is this, uh, theoretical person traveling to?
Got it. Okay. Sorry. I probably jumped the gun on that one.
Fabian: No, I love it. Basically what I wanted to paint the picture is traveling to a third world country. But this person is insecure and that’s why he’s buying all these expensive things, because-
Stephani: Does anyone know that he’s insecure?
Fabian: He’s never publicize it.
Stephani: Got it. I’m just trying to get the full picture here for myself and everyone else.
Fabian: Thank you.
Fabian: Because I know, I forget things.
Stephani: No, you’re doing great.
Fabian: So this guy is insecure. He cares too much what people think and there’s many reasons why, but the point is he bought a lot of these things for the people, his friends from a high school and his college buddies and his three ex-girlfriends. That all cheated on him. Um, he bought these things to show them that he made it. That he’s kicking ass and taking names and his life’s amazing. But he’s never really traveled outside of the United States because he’s like, what’s the point? Like there’s no reason to travel and experience other cultures.
For some reason he’s motivated all of a sudden to travel. Maybe it’s for a business deal, whatever. The point is he still going to go somewhere he’s never gone before. This guy is insecure, he’s struggling. Maybe he feels like he’s not good looking because he gained 10 pounds, maybe-
Stephani: during COVID
Fabian: Maybe a million other things, but he’s just not happy with himself.
He goes to Jamaica and he spends one week there, but his reservation at this expensive resort got canceled. So now he has to stay like at a, just a local hotel, two stars, and kind of live with the locals. Everyone who meets him and sees him there was going to view this businessman as successful, probably an arrogant prick, but they’re going to view them as successful, happy, he figured it out. There’s nothing that could possibly be wrong in his life. He has everything that he could possibly want and need. They view him as almost like this God, like perfection incarnate. They don’t know anything that’s going on in his life. Right? Like deep down, like personally and in his head.
But these people just view him from that perspective, from that viewpoint, they know nothing about him and they see that. Obviously they’re assuming, and they’re making connections, but that’s how he’s presenting himself. So then you have to take a step back. If these people that have nothing view him that way, why is he viewing himself a completely different way?
And then the best part about this story is going to be that when he’s there, he sees these people and all the people he interacts with that are literally living in terrible conditions because they don’t have jobs. There’s no opportunities. COVID completely destroyed tourism so they’re making no money. They’re literally like barely surviving, but they’re happy. They’re happy. Because all they know is, Hey, just, uh, listen to their music, to their Bob Marley, hang out with their friends every day now because they’re not working, they get to see their buddies. They get to catch up, share stories. Life is great for them.
If this guy comes and they’re like, Oh my God, like who is this guy? They think he has everything, but who’s actually happier in this scenario, who has it? And what’s crazy is that if this guy had the same mindset and perspective as these Jamaicans, his life would be completely different and then you have to ask yourself, why can’t he? So what do you think about that story?
Stephani: Well, um, that’s a great, uh, is it a true story? No, I’m just kidding.
Fabian: There’s sprinkles in there.
Stephani: I’m sure. I’m sure it’s a true story for someone, somewhere. But, um, it really says a lot about, I mean, obviously as you said, it’s an extreme example and not everyone can necessarily relate to that exact example, but you’re just painting a picture of how you can take a step back and realize perspective means a lot. Because you may have next to nothing and be happy, or you could have, have absolutely everything that you could ever want and need from like a living standpoint and be absolutely miserable because you’re just not happy with yourself or you know, whatever it may be. Actually viewing it from other perspectives and how they view that other, how everyone else views that other person is just a crazy thing to realize and remember.
Fabian: Once you actually started realizing, it’s like, these people, I mean, they might have never even had a smartphone, right? So their access to knowledge is severely limited, in comparison. And we’ll get into that, but it’s almost like knowledge as a curse because the more, you know, the more you’re aware of. It’s like, sometimes it’s just good to just live life on the flat plane, not worry about climbing the hill or the mountain.
They literally view this guy as like, there’s no way this guy could be insecure. If like I went up to them and was like, do you know that that guy’s insecure? He’s unhappy, he thinks he’s ugly, he’s fat or whatever. And all these people are gonna like,
Stephani: How? How could they ever think that, he seems to have everything. Because he has all these flashy, fancy things. But you don’t really know what’s going on internally, but that’s just the power of perspective. You know, you see this person and you assume that they have everything that they could ever want and need, but they don’t.
Fabian: Exactly. I think there’s a few takeaways there, but I would say number one is, that’s why I’m such a strong believer in, you know, don’t judge people. Everyone always makes internal judgments pretty quickly about someone, but you thought it, don’t put more value to it. Get to know them. Don’t make assumptions. I mean, this whole journey is showing the entire world. I mean, us, but, I know that was my personal motivation to be like, Hey, you guys are actually going to get to know me for once because people just assume so much.
It really gets very interesting when you realize that if you can start viewing yourself and your accomplishments and where you’re at from an outsider perspective, from a third party. Like if you could actually, like, let’s just think like a horror movie, like you can, your spirit can get out of your body and you could see yourself now. Like if you were in a movie or a TV show, you were watching yourself. You’d probably talk and think differently about yourself now because you’re almost like the stranger. You are another person.
Fabian: And that’s when things get really, really interesting to me, because that completely changes the game. Once you’re able to do that, that’s the skill set that I want to make sure people start working on and start realizing that they need to do. Whenever anything happens, good or bad, or you have doubts or you feel amazing. Take a step back and start viewing yourself from that third-party perspective.
Stephani: And a situation may happen, um, earlier in the day, and then you look back on it or an hour ago and you look back on it and you just think about it, reflect on it. And then you’re like, well, why was I so insecure about that? Or why was I so worried about that? Um, or it could have been something that happened two years ago, three years ago. However long ago, it may have been, and just view that in a different light. View that situation, that scenario in a different way.
You know, you may have, um, done a really, really terrible, going back to your sales, a terrible pitch. Like let’s just say, um, it was a zoom meeting and zoom kept like flashing in and out and the PowerPoint wasn’t loading, but then it’s like, okay, well that happened. But then since everything wasn’t working, we just had a conversation and it was a better pitch than it would have been a PowerPoint. So it’s just taking a step back and finding the positives in whatever situation you may have thought was absolutely terrible.
Fabian: Well, I love that you brought up sales and it’s just,
Fabian: It just really makes me think that, um, you know how our opinion of ourselves is so wrong most of the time. And the problem is that most people, strangers, friends, almost everyone is very hesitant to give compliments or feedback. Negative feedback is a lot more common, but it’s very rare for people to give positive feedback to people. It’s just something that most people just don’t do.
Stephani: I’m just, as soon as you said that, I just think about, I mean, it’s slightly different, but it is about giving feedback. And it’s like, people that, let’s just say they go to a restaurant and they’re like, Oh my goodness, the service was absolutely terrible. The food was terrible. Everything was terrible. They’re going to write a negative review, but let’s just say every, or they went to this restaurant a different day and had a different server. They weren’t as busy. And the service was amazing. The food was amazing. Oh my gosh. The experience, everything was absolutely amazing. Most people aren’t going to write a review about that. They’re going to only write the review when it’s negative. Because for whatever reason, people always want to find the negative in things. They don’t ever want to celebrate the positives.
And that’s why another one of the keys is to change that to a positive mindset, because you’re right. We always tend to view things almost negatively, or like, what did we not get? What did we not reach? What did we, you know, et cetera, et cetera. And now you change it to, well, what did we get? What did we find? What did we achieve? It really is the game changer and you start doing that for everything. Fabian: It really, those two connect so well, perspective and positive mindset, but it starts with changing your perspective.
The reason why I said about the feedback thing is because you start creating a self narrative for yourself and you don’t even realize it. You start hearing people. And once we end up talking about the topic for another episode, the power of network and the people you surround yourself with, and they start saying things to you. So you start listening to them. Your parents are saying things to you, your friends, your coworkers, your boss, and those start forming your, your opinion of yourself. You have your own opinion, but they help form it for the better, or for the worse, usually for the worst.
So, what then ends up happening is that you start thinking of yourself a certain way. Since most people don’t tell you that you’re good or that things are going well, or stuff like that, you just are taking in all the negative feedback. And let’s be real, for some reason, we still also don’t end up taking compliments the same way. You know?
Stephani: I feel like the, the negative comments, they always outweigh all the positive comments or feedback. For whatever reason, that’s just the way a lot of people, most people, think, and that’s the way their brain works. But you gotta change that mindset and take in all those positive comments and remember all of those. And I’m still working on this as well, but you know, those, those negative comments view as a learning experience.
This restaurant, they were doing really terrible, but then they got a new head chef. And then, um, one of their servers, they found a better way to maybe they, they couldn’t wait on five tables at once, they could only do three at once. And then the manager realized that, and then they changed that about their section. So now there’s a new head chef and that server is no longer overwhelmed and then they flourish and they become this amazing employee. And then that same person comes back and they have an amazing experience.
So sometimes you just have to take those negative comments and feedback and just find the lesson and figure out how to improve on whatever that negative comment was.
Fabian: I love how you always go straight for the kill. You hear a thing and you always find the lesson and you always find like the takeaway. You’re so good about that and I love that. So the lesson really of the power perspective is starting to view things differently. But what do I mean by things could be anything, right? Could be traumas, issues, fears, uh, anything, but really the big takeaway is viewing failures as a lesson.
What did you get out of it? What good came out of it, because guess what? They’re probably still was 80% bad, but if there was even 20% good, focus on the 20%. Because again, the way you view things. The way our brain works is like, if right now I said, Hey guys, did you know that I saw cat riding a camel? All of you thought about a cat riding a camel, a hundred percent. No one pictured a kid surfing in the ocean. Oh wait, now you did. That’s why the power of suggestion is so strong, because the way the brain works is, you hear something, you think of something, period. No one can argue differently. I will not even entertain that.
So what ends up happening is you end up hearing all these negative things, you end up hearing failure. People tell you negative things, you focus on that. You think that, it becomes your reality. Now you change it. Like for example, now let’s get into some stories that I think a lot of people-
Stephani: Storytime with Fabian, I feel like that could be, a, a segment of ours.
Fabian: Well, we’re going to write a book. I don’t know it it’s a book meant for, uh, for bedtime.
Stephani: Kids. Yeah.
Fabian: Maybe. So little Fabian went up the Hill. Well, it takes me to a thought where, for example, I would say 95% of people, they might’ve assumed, or maybe a few people might’ve guessed if they were good at psychology, but I would say 95 to 98% of people that have met me would have never guessed that I had so many traumas and issues and insecurities and fears and all because of my upbringing and my past.
And like, for example, that they know that I wasn’t confident in my looks. That for example, my eyebrows or when I was, uh, a young teenager, I was overweight for a short period of time and that affected my self image. Did they know that I had fear of attachment and commitment issues. Do you think they knew all that?
Stephani: I definitely didn’t know that when I first met you.
Right? And it’s just, I can present myself confidently and I might’ve already overcame them, or I might just not be thinking about them, but deep down they’re there. And it just goes to show you like that was actually one of the things that changed my perspective was applying that, view yourself from a third party perspective.
Fabian: If none of these people that just met me think that, why the heck do I think that? Because I’m not letting go of the past, because I’m dwelling, because of this. It’s like, that’s when you start realizing, you gotta be able to laugh at yourself and your past. Those failures, those mistakes, you gotta laugh at it. I’m like, Oh my God, do you remember the one time that I was supposed to do a presentation to the CEO of the largest pediatric group? And I ended up going to the wrong side of town and I ended up visiting another pediatric group because I misspelled it. That didn’t actually happen.
Stephani: I was like, I haven’t heard that story before.
Fabian: No, it was just an example. I’m like, you know what? Yeah, it was bad in the moment, but at the end of the day, you’re like, can you imagine that I lost like a deal that would have made my year because I misspelled a location in my GPS on my phone? Like, what can you do but laugh at it. There’s like, there’s nothing you can do to change it.
So that was kind of where it started for me. Was realizing that all these strangers that have never met me think I’m incredible. Think I’m amazing. Think I’m, good-looking. Think that they want to be like me. They want to have my confidence. They want to have my approach to life.
Fabian: Yet I am feeling down. I’m feeling insecure. I’m not feeling good with myself. There’s a big disconnect there. And that’s one of the first things that you need to start paying attention to. When there’s a disconnect from what everyone else is telling you or what people think, they might have not tell you in person, because most people just don’t like we talked about, versus what you think. Why? Probably because you are way too harsh on yourself and you’re viewing yourself in a negative light.
Another thing that I think about when talking about how other people view you is, when you start realizing a lot of people view you on a much higher level than you view yourself. That’s one of the key takeaways that I want people to have from this episode is you are significantly better than you think. Every single person out there is a lot better than they think.
Hey guys, thanks for tuning into My 3 Cents. This concludes this part. We hope the stories were as impactful for you as they were for us. We are so excited that you’re experiencing this journey with us to Become Xceptional. Please remember to leave a comment on your thoughts. Did our perspective connect with you? What was your favorite part? You know, the drill. Check out our website at www.chaminger.com and follow all our social medias to get the full Chaminger Xperience. My final 3 cents for today, please subscribe and follow our podcast and tune in next week to hear more of our stories and crazy, but insightful perspectives. You don’t want to miss it. Be you. Be free. Stay amazing.